Rebecca Holland

Wed, May 28, 2025, 2:31 AM6 min read

Relationship patterns in the U.S. are changing. As of 2023, 9.1% of the population was cohabiting without being married, up from only 3.7% in 1996. With more unmarried couples opting to have children and buy homes together, those living in these types of partnerships should be aware that, while values have changed, the law in many cases has not kept up with the times.

Consider this scenario: You’re 29 years old, planning to buy your dream home with your partner. You’ve been living together for several years, and have a child together. While they have been saving up for a down payment, you have been doing most of the childcare, and diligently paying off your student loans to reduce your overall debt load in the relationship. You’ve found a house you love, but then your partner drops the bombshell: They believe that since they’re the one putting the upfront payment on the house, only their name should be on the deed. They still expect you to split the mortgage 50/50. What should you do?

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Your rights as part of an unmarried couple will vary depending on which state in the country you call home. While many states recognize common law marriage, the rules around property in these unions vary.

For example, in states that recognize common law marriages to some extent, the fact that you have cohabited for several years and demonstrated the capacity and intent to marry by getting engaged would make you common law spouses. This would give you the right to make a legal claim on the property in the event of a break-up, or the death of your fiancé. You would also have the right to file for divorce.

Even if you live in a state like California that does not recognize common law unions, the fact that you share a child, equally contribute to living expenses, and are engaged would give you a strong legal case to make a claim on the home even if your name was not on the deed. However, you should know that suing your former spouse could be a lengthy and expensive process in court.

For most couples that share children and have been cohabiting for years, marriage is still the best way to protect each partner’s legal rights in the event of the relationship ending, and also in the event of the death of either party.